[Sketch] The Dangers of Snapchat Filters
A woman waits nervously outside a pub…
– (To herself) Maybe I should’ve turned up a bit late. Now it looks like I’m too keen. What if we don’t get along? What if he’s an arsehole? He did seem nice when we were chatting…
A labrador walks up to her
– Oh hey, what a cute little doggy! Awwh – who’s a good boy? Hoosha gubboy?
– Er…me, I guess? Although that is a bit presumptuous of you, seeing as we’ve just met.
– You can talk?!
– Yes. Is that weird?
– Well it’s not every day you meet a talking dog.
– Depends what circles you socialise in. So what are you doing out here anyway?
– I’m waiting for my Tinder date to show up.
– No way, me too. Wait… are you Sally?
– Yes. How do you know my name?
– I’m Doug. I matched with you and we agreed to go on this date.
– Doug? But you’re a…
– Dog. Yeah, unlike you. Are you a professional con artist or do you just do this as a hobby?
– Well, in your photos you’ve got dog ears and a dog nose, and your tongue’s hanging out. I thought you were really cute, but now I meet you in real life and you’re not even the same species as me. The other dogs warned me about flattering camera angles, but this is outright deception.
– Dog ears? Ohh, that’s just a Snapchat filter!
– Snapchat filter?
– Yeah, you know, you make yourself look like a dog, or a bunny, or a fairy. It’s just a bit of fun.
– That’s false advertising is what that is.
– Wait, Doug was with a dog in all his photos…
– No, I’m Doug. The guy in the photos is Steve, my owner. Get it – Doug the Dog? Yeah, he’s a bit lame.
– Well it looks like we both got the wrong end of the stick.
– Stick?? WHERE?!
– It’s just an expression. There is no stick.
– Oh Jesus Christ! Were you put on this earth just to disappoint me?
– Look, I’m sorry.
– I just…I thought I’d found someone I really connected with, you know? Someone who likes long walks, swimming… Although I did think it was a bit weird that you liked gin. I’m not even allowed chocolate, let alone liquor.
– So what are we going to do now?
– I dunno. There isn’t much point in dragging this out. Although… since we’re here anyway… can I sniff your bum?
– What? No!
– You’re such a bitch. Well, not a bitch. If you were a bitch I’d be happy. Oh forget it, I’m going home to hump Steve’s leg.
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